The Learning Curve/The Learning Curve (Weird Science, 1996).iso/religion/augustine/book3

Text File | 1995-01-17 | 32KB | 463 lines

     BOOK III

     To Carthage I came, where there sang all around me in my ears a
   cauldron of unholy loves. I loved not yet, yet I loved to love, and
   out of a deep-seated want, I hated myself for wanting not. I sought
   what I might love, in love with loving, and safety I hated, and a
   way without snares. For within me was a famine of that inward food,
   Thyself, my God; yet, through that famine I was not hungered; but
   was without all longing for incorruptible sustenance, not because
   filled therewith, but the more empty, the more I loathed it. For
   this cause my soul was sickly and full of sores, it miserably cast
   itself forth, desiring to be scraped by the touch of objects of sense.
   Yet if these had not a soul, they would not be objects of love. To
   love then, and to be beloved, was sweet to me; but more, when I
   obtained to enjoy the person I loved, I defiled, therefore, the spring
   of friendship with the filth of concupiscence, and I beclouded its
   brightness with the hell of lustfulness; and thus foul and unseemly, I
   would fain, through exceeding vanity, be fine and courtly. I fell
   headlong then into the love wherein I longed to be ensnared. My God,
   my Mercy, with how much gall didst Thou out of Thy great goodness
   besprinkle for me that sweetness? For I was both beloved, and secretly
   arrived at the bond of enjoying; and was with joy fettered with
   sorrow-bringing bonds, that I might be scourged with the iron
   burning rods of jealousy, and suspicions, and fears, and angers, and
   quarrels.
     Stage-plays also carried me away, full of images of my miseries, and
   of fuel to my fire. Why is it, that man desires to be made sad,
   beholding doleful and tragical things, which yet himself would no
   means suffer? yet he desires as a spectator to feel sorrow at them,
   this very sorrow is his pleasure. What is this but a miserable
   madness? for a man is the more affected with these actions, the less
   free he is from such affections. Howsoever, when he suffers in his own
   person, it uses to be styled misery: when he compassionates others,
   then it is mercy. But what sort of compassion is this for feigned
   and scenical passions? for the auditor is not called on to relieve,
   but only to grieve: and he applauds the actor of these fictions the
   more, the more he grieves. And if the calamities of those persons
   (whether of old times, or mere fiction) be so acted, that the
   spectator is not moved to tears, he goes away disgusted and
   criticising; but if he be moved to passion, he stays intent, and weeps
   for joy.
     Are griefs then too loved? Verily all desire joy. Or whereas no
   man likes to be miserable, is he yet pleased to be merciful? which
   because it cannot be without passion, for this reason alone are
   passions loved? This also springs from that vein of friendship. But
   whither goes that vein? whither flows it? wherefore runs it into
   that torrent of pitch bubbling forth those monstrous tides of foul
   lustfulness, into which it is wilfully changed and transformed,
   being of its own will precipitated and corrupted from its heavenly
   clearness? Shall compassion then be put away? by no means. Be griefs
   then sometimes loved. But beware of uncleanness, O my soul, under
   the guardianship of my God, the God of our fathers, who is to be
   praised and exalted above all for ever, beware of uncleanness. For I
   have not now ceased to pity; but then in the theatres I rejoiced
   with lovers when they wickedly enjoyed one another, although this
   was imaginary only in the play. And when they lost one another, as
   if very compassionate, I sorrowed with them, yet had my delight in
   both. But now I much more pity him that rejoiceth in his wickedness,
   than him who is thought to suffer hardship, by missing some pernicious
   pleasure, and the loss of some miserable felicity. This certainly is
   the truer mercy, but in it grief delights not. For though he that
   grieves for the miserable, be commended for his office of charity; yet
   had he, who is genuinely compassionate, rather there were nothing
   for him to grieve for. For if good will be ill willed (which can never
   be), then may he, who truly and sincerely commiserates, wish there
   might be some miserable, that he might commiserate. Some sorrow may
   then be allowed, none loved. For thus dost Thou, O Lord God, who
   lovest souls far more purely than we, and hast more incorruptibly pity
   on them, yet are wounded with no sorrowfulness. And who is
   sufficient for these things?
     But I, miserable, then loved to grieve, and sought out what to
   grieve at, when in another's and that feigned and personated misery,
   that acting best pleased me, and attracted me the most vehemently,
   which drew tears from me. What marvel that an unhappy sheep,
   straying from Thy flock, and impatient of Thy keeping, I became
   infected with a foul disease? And hence the love of griefs; not such
   as should sink deep into me; for I loved not to suffer, what I loved
   to look on; but such as upon hearing their fictions should lightly
   scratch the surface; upon which, as on envenomed nails, followed
   inflamed swelling, impostumes, and a putrefied sore. My life being
   such, was it life, O my God?
     And Thy faithful mercy hovered over me afar. Upon how grievous
   iniquities consumed I myself, pursuing a sacrilegious curiosity,
   that having forsaken Thee, it might bring me to the treacherous abyss,
   and the beguiling service of devils, to whom I sacrificed my evil
   actions, and in all these things Thou didst scourge me! I dared
   even, while Thy solemnities were celebrated within the walls of Thy
   Church, to desire, and to compass a business deserving death for its
   fruits, for which Thou scourgedst me with grievous punishments, though
   nothing to my fault, O Thou my exceeding mercy, my God, my refuge from
   those terrible destroyers, among whom I wandered with a stiff neck,
   withdrawing further from Thee, loving mine own ways, and not Thine;
   loving a vagrant liberty.
     Those studies also, which were accounted commendable, had a view
   to excelling in the courts of litigation; the more bepraised, the
   craftier. Such is men's blindness, glorying even in their blindness.
   And now I was chief in the rhetoric school, whereat I joyed proudly,
   and I swelled with arrogancy, though (Lord, Thou knowest) far
   quieter and altogether removed from the subvertings of those
   "Subverters" (for this ill-omened and devilish name was the very badge
   of gallantry) among whom I lived, with a shameless shame that I was
   not even as they. With them I lived, and was sometimes delighted
   with their friendship, whose doings I ever did abhor -i.e., their
   "subvertings," wherewith they wantonly persecuted the modesty of
   strangers, which they disturbed by a gratuitous jeering, feeding
   thereon their malicious birth. Nothing can be liker the very actions
   of devils than these. What then could they be more truly called than
   "Subverters"? themselves subverted and altogether perverted first, the
   deceiving spirits secretly deriding and seducing them, wherein
   themselves delight to jeer at and deceive others.
     Among such as these, in that unsettled age of mine, learned I
   books of eloquence, wherein I desired to be eminent, out of a damnable
   and vainglorious end, a joy in human vanity. In the ordinary course of
   study, I fell upon a certain book of Cicero, whose speech almost all
   admire, not so his heart. This book of his contains an exhortation
   to philosophy, and is called "Hortensius." But this book altered my
   affections, and turned my prayers to Thyself O Lord; and made me
   have other purposes and desires. Every vain hope at once became
   worthless to me; and I longed with an incredibly burning desire for an
   immortality of wisdom, and began now to arise, that I might return
   to Thee. For not to sharpen my tongue (which thing I seemed to be
   purchasing with my mother's allowances, in that my nineteenth year, my
   father being dead two years before), not to sharpen my tongue did I
   employ that book; nor did it infuse into me its style, but its matter.
     How did I burn then, my God, how did I burn to re-mount from earthly
   things to Thee, nor knew I what Thou wouldest do with me? For with
   Thee is wisdom. But the love of wisdom is in Greek called
   "philosophy," with which that book inflamed me. Some there be that
   seduce through philosophy, under a great, and smooth, and honourable
   name colouring and disguising their own errors: and almost all who
   in that and former ages were such, are in that book censured and set
   forth: there also is made plain that wholesome advice of Thy Spirit,
   by Thy good and devout servant: Beware lest any man spoil you
   through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men,
   after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. For in Him
   dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And since at that time
   (Thou, O light of my heart, knowest) Apostolic Scripture was not known
   to me, I was delighted with that exhortation, so far only, that I
   was thereby strongly roused, and kindled, and inflamed to love, and
   seek, and obtain, and hold, and embrace not this or that sect, but
   wisdom itself whatever it were; and this alone checked me thus
   unkindled, that the name of Christ was not in it. For this name,
   according to Thy mercy, O Lord, this name of my Saviour Thy Son, had
   my tender heart, even with my mother's milk, devoutly drunk in and
   deeply treasured; and whatsoever was without that name, though never
   so learned, polished, or true, took not entire hold of me.
     I resolved then to bend my mind to the holy Scriptures, that I might
   see what they were. But behold, I see a thing not understood by the
   proud, nor laid open to children, lowly in access, in its recesses
   lofty, and veiled with mysteries; and I was not such as could enter
   into it, or stoop my neck to follow its steps. For not as I now speak,
   did I feel when I turned to those Scriptures; but they seemed to me
   unworthy to he compared to the stateliness of Tully: for my swelling
   pride shrunk from their lowliness, nor could my sharp wit pierce the
   interior thereof. Yet were they such as would grow up in a little one.
   But I disdained to be a little one; and, swollen with pride, took
   myself to be a great one.
     Therefore I fell among men proudly doting, exceeding carnal and
   prating, in whose mouths were the snares of the Devil, limed with
   the mixture of the syllables of Thy name, and of our Lord Jesus
   Christ, and of the Holy Ghost, the Paraclete, our Comforter. These
   names departed not out of their mouth, but so far forth as the sound
   only and the noise of the tongue, for the heart was void of truth. Yet
   they cried out "Truth, Truth," and spake much thereof to me, yet it
   was not in them: but they spake falsehood, not of Thee only (who truly
   art Truth), but even of those elements of this world, Thy creatures.
   And I indeed ought to have passed by even philosophers who spake truth
   concerning them, for love of Thee, my Father, supremely good, Beauty
   of all things beautiful. O Truth, Truth, how inwardly did even then
   the marrow of my soul pant after Thee, when they often and
   diversely, and in many and huge books, echoed of Thee to me, though it
   was but an echo? And these were the dishes wherein to me, hungering
   after Thee, they, instead of Thee, served up the Sun and Moon,
   beautiful works of Thine, but yet Thy works, not Thyself, no nor Thy
   first works. For Thy spiritual works are before these corporeal works,
   celestial though they be, and shining. But I hungered and thirsted not
   even after those first works of Thine, but after Thee Thyself, the
   Truth, in whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning: yet they
   still set before me in those dishes, glittering fantasies, than
   which better were it to love this very sun (which is real to our sight
   at least), than those fantasies which by our eyes deceive our mind.
   Yet because I thought them to be Thee, I fed thereon; not eagerly, for
   Thou didst not in them taste to me as Thou art; for Thou wast not
   these emptinesses, nor was I nourished by them, but exhausted
   rather. Food in sleep shows very like our food awake; yet are not
   those asleep nourished by it, for they are asleep. But those were
   not even any way like to Thee, as Thou hast now spoken to me; for
   those were corporeal fantasies, false bodies, than which these true
   bodies, celestial or terrestrial, which with our fleshly sight we
   behold, are far more certain: these things the beasts and birds
   discern as well as we, and they are more certain than when we fancy
   them. And again, we do with more certainty fancy them, than by them
   conjecture other vaster and infinite bodies which have no being.
   Such empty husks was I then fed on; and was not fed. But Thou, my
   soul's Love, in looking for whom I fail, that I may become strong, art
   neither those bodies which we see, though in heaven; nor those which
   we see not there; for Thou hast created them, nor dost Thou account
   them among the chiefest of Thy works. How far then art Thou from those
   fantasies of mine, fantasies of bodies which altogether are not,
   than which the images of those bodies, which are, are far more
   certain, and more certain still the bodies themselves, which yet
   Thou art not; no, nor yet the soul, which is the life of the bodies.
   So then, better and more certain is the life of the bodies than the
   bodies. But Thou art the life of souls, the life of lives, having life
   in Thyself; and changest not, life of my soul.
     Where then wert Thou then to me, and how far from me? Far verily was
   I straying from Thee, barred from the very husks of the swine, whom
   with husks I fed. For how much better are the fables of poets and
   grammarians than these snares? For verses, and poems, and "Medea
   flying," are more profitable truly than these men's five elements,
   variously disguised, answering to five dens of darkness, which have no
   being, yet slay the believer. For verses and poems I can turn to
   true food, and "Medea flying," though I did sing, I maintained not;
   though I heard it sung, I believed not: but those things I did
   believe. Woe, woe, by what steps was I brought down to the depths of
   hell! toiling and turmoiling through want of Truth, since I sought
   after Thee, my God (to Thee I confess it, who hadst mercy on me, not
   as yet confessing), not according to the understanding of the mind,
   wherein Thou willedst that I should excel the beasts, but according to
   the sense of the flesh. But Thou wert more inward to me than my most
   inward part; and higher than my highest. I lighted upon that bold
   woman, simple and knoweth nothing, shadowed out in Solomon, sitting at
   the door, and saying, Eat ye bread of secrecies willingly, and drink
   ye stolen waters which are sweet: she seduced me, because she found my
   soul dwelling abroad in the eye of my flesh, and ruminating on such
   food as through it I had devoured.
     For other than this, that which really is I knew not; and was, as it
   were through sharpness of wit, persuaded to assent to foolish
   deceivers, when they asked me, "whence is evil?" "is God bounded by
   a bodily shape, and has hairs and nails?" "are they to be esteemed
   righteous who had many wives at once, and did kill men, and
   sacrifice living creatures?" At which I, in my ignorance, was much
   troubled, and departing from the truth, seemed to myself to be
   making towards it; because as yet I knew not that evil was nothing but
   a privation of good, until at last a thing ceases altogether to be;
   which how should I see, the sight of whose eyes reached only to
   bodies, and of my mind to a phantasm? And I knew not God to be a
   Spirit, not one who hath parts extended in length and breadth, or
   whose being was bulk; for every bulk is less in a part than in the
   whole: and if it be infinite, it must be less in such part as is
   defined by a certain space, than in its infinitude; and so is not
   wholly every where, as Spirit, as God. And what that should be in
   us, by which we were like to God, and might be rightly said to be
   after the image of God, I was altogether ignorant.
     Nor knew I that true inward righteousness which judgeth not
   according to custom, but out of the most rightful law of God Almighty,
   whereby the ways of places and times were disposed according to
   those times and places; itself meantime being the same always and
   every where, not one thing in one place, and another in another;
   according to which Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and Moses, and
   David, were righteous, and all those commended by the mouth of God;
   but were judged unrighteous by silly men, judging out of man's
   judgment, and measuring by their own petty habits, the moral habits of
   the whole human race. As if in an armory, one ignorant of what were
   adapted to each part should cover his head with greaves, or seek to be
   shod with a helmet, and complain that they fitted not: or as if on a
   day when business is publicly stopped in the afternoon, one were
   angered at not being allowed to keep open shop, because he had been in
   the forenoon; or when in one house he observeth some servant take a
   thing in his hand, which the butler is not suffered to meddle with; or
   something permitted out of doors, which is forbidden in the
   dining-room; and should be angry, that in one house, and one family,
   the same thing is not allotted every where, and to all. Even such
   are they who are fretted to hear something to have been lawful for
   righteous men formerly, which now is not; or that God, for certain
   temporal respects, commanded them one thing, and these another,
   obeying both the same righteousness: whereas they see, in one man, and
   one day, and one house, different things to be fit for different
   members, and a thing formerly lawful, after a certain time not so;
   in one corner permitted or commanded, but in another rightly forbidden
   and punished. Is justice therefore various or mutable? No, but the
   times, over which it presides, flow not evenly, because they are
   times. But men whose days are few upon the earth, for that by their
   senses they cannot harmonise the causes of things in former ages and
   other nations, which they had not experience of, with these which they
   have experience of, whereas in one and the same body, day, or
   family, they easily see what is fitting for each member, and season,
   part, and person; to the one they take exceptions, to the other they
   submit.
     These things I then knew not, nor observed; they struck my sight
   on all sides, and I saw them not. I indited verses, in which I might
   not place every foot every where, but differently in different metres;
   nor even in any one metre the self-same foot in all places. Yet the
   art itself, by which I indited, had not different principles for these
   different cases, but comprised all in one. Still I saw not how that
   righteousness, which good and holy men obeyed, did far more
   excellently and sublimely contain in one all those things which God
   commanded, and in no part varied; although in varying times it
   prescribed not every thing at once, but apportioned and enjoined
   what was fit for each. And I in my blindness, censured the holy
   Fathers, not only wherein they made use of things present as God
   commanded and inspired them, but also wherein they were foretelling
   things to come, as God was revealing in them.
     Can it at any time or place be unjust to love God with all his
   heart, with all his soul, and with all his mind; and his neighbour
   as himself? Therefore are those foul offences which be against nature,
   to be every where and at all times detested and punished; such as were
   those of the men of Sodom: which should all nations commit, they
   should all stand guilty of the same crime, by the law of God, which
   hath not so made men that they should so abuse one another. For even
   that intercourse which should be between God and us is violated,
   when that same nature, of which He is Author, is polluted by
   perversity of lust. But those actions which are offences against the
   customs of men, are to be avoided according to the customs severally
   prevailing; so that a thing agreed upon, and confirmed, by custom or
   law of any city or nation, may not be violated at the lawless pleasure
   of any, whether native or foreigner. For any part which harmoniseth
   not with its whole, is offensive. But when God commands a thing to
   be done, against the customs or compact of any people, though it
   were never by them done heretofore, it is to be done; and if
   intermitted, it is to be restored; and if never ordained, is now to be
   ordained. For lawful if it he for a king, in the state which he reigns
   over, to command that which no one before him, nor he himself
   heretofore, had commanded, and to obey him cannot be against the
   common weal of the state (nay, it were against it if he were not
   obeyed, for to obey princes is a general compact of human society);
   how much more unhesitatingly ought we to obey God, in all which He
   commands, the Ruler of all His creatures! For as among the powers in
   man's society, the greater authority is obeyed in preference to the
   lesser, so must God above all.
     So in acts of violence, where there is a wish to hurt, whether by
   reproach or injury; and these either for revenge, as one enemy against
   another; or for some profit belonging to another, as the robber to the
   traveller; or to avoid some evil, as towards one who is feared; or
   through envy, as one less fortunate to one more so, or one well
   thriven in any thing, to him whose being on a par with himself he
   fears, or grieves at, or for the mere pleasure at another's pain, as
   spectators of gladiators, or deriders and mockers of others. These
   be the heads of iniquity which spring from the lust of the flesh, of
   the eye, or of rule, either singly, or two combined, or all
   together; and so do men live ill against the three, and seven, that
   psaltery of often strings, Thy Ten Commandments, O God, most high, and
   most sweet. But what foul offences can there be against Thee, who
   canst not be defiled? or what acts of violence against Thee, who canst
   not be harmed? But Thou avengest what men commit against themselves,
   seeing also when they sin against Thee, they do wickedly against their
   own souls, and iniquity gives itself the lie, by corrupting and
   perverting their nature, which Thou hast created and ordained, or by
   an immoderate use of things allowed, or in burning in things
   unallowed, to that use which is against nature; or are found guilty,
   raging with heart and tongue against Thee, kicking against the pricks;
   or when, bursting the pale of human society, they boldly joy in
   self-willed combinations or divisions, according as they have any
   object to gain or subject of offence. And these things are done when
   Thou art forsaken, O Fountain of Life, who art the only and true
   Creator and Governor of the Universe, and by a self-willed pride,
   any one false thing is selected therefrom and loved. So then by a
   humble devoutness we return to Thee; and Thou cleansest us from our
   evil habits, and art merciful to their sins who confess, and hearest
   the groaning of the prisoner, and loosest us from the chains which
   we made for ourselves, if we lift not up against Thee the horns of
   an unreal liberty, suffering the loss of all, through covetousness
   of more, by loving more our own private good than Thee, the Good of
   all.
     Amidst these offences of foulness and violence, and so many
   iniquities, are sins of men, who are on the whole making
   proficiency; which by those that judge rightly, are, after the rule of
   perfection, discommended, yet the persons commended, upon hope of
   future fruit, as in the green blade of growing corn. And there are
   some, resembling offences of foulness or violence, which yet are no
   sins; because they offend neither Thee, our Lord God, nor human
   society; when, namely, things fitting for a given period are
   obtained for the service of life, and we know not whether out of a
   lust of having; or when things are, for the sake of correction, by
   constituted authority punished, and we know not whether out of a
   lust of hurting. Many an action then which in men's sight is
   disapproved, is by Thy testimony approved; and many, by men praised,
   are (Thou being witness) condemned: because the show of the action,
   and the mind of the doer, and the unknown exigency of the period,
   severally vary. But when Thou on a sudden commandest an unwonted and
   unthought of thing, yea, although Thou hast sometime forbidden it, and
   still for the time hidest the reason of Thy command, and it be against
   the ordinance of some society of men, who doubts but it is to be done,
   seeing that society of men is just which serves Thee? But blessed
   are they who know Thy commands! For all things were done by Thy
   servants; either to show forth something needful for the present, or
   to foreshow things to come.
     These things I being ignorant of, scoffed at those Thy holy servants
   and prophets. And what gained I by scoffing at them, but to be scoffed
   at by Thee, being insensibly and step by step drawn on to those
   follies, as to believe that a fig-tree wept when it was plucked, and
   the tree, its mother, shed milky tears? Which fig notwithstanding
   (plucked by some other's, not his own, guilt) had some Manichaean
   saint eaten, and mingled with his bowels, he should breathe out of
   it angels, yea, there shall burst forth particles of divinity, at
   every moan or groan in his prayer, which particles of the most high
   and true God had remained bound in that fig, unless they had been
   set at liberty by the teeth or belly of some "Elect" saint! And I,
   miserable, believed that more mercy was to be shown to the fruits of
   the earth than men, for whom they were created. For if any one an
   hungered, not a Manichaean, should ask for any, that morsel would seem
   as it were condemned to capital punishment, which should be given him.
     And Thou sentest Thine hand from above, and drewest my soul out of
   that profound darkness, my mother, Thy faithful one, weeping to Thee
   for me, more than mothers weep the bodily deaths of their children.
   For she, by that faith and spirit which she had from Thee, discerned
   the death wherein I lay, and Thou heardest her, O Lord; Thou
   heardest her, and despisedst not her tears, when streaming down,
   they watered the ground under her eyes in every place where she
   prayed; yea Thou heardest her. For whence was that dream whereby
   Thou comfortedst her; so that she allowed me to live with her, and
   to eat at the same table in the house, which she had begun to shrink
   from, abhorring and detesting the blasphemies of my error? For she saw
   herself standing on a certain wooden rule, and a shining youth
   coming towards her, cheerful and smiling upon her, herself grieving,
   and overwhelmed with grief. But he having (in order to instruct, as is
   their wont not to be instructed) enquired of her the causes of her
   grief and daily tears, and she answering that she was bewailing my
   perdition, he bade her rest contented, and told her to look and
   observe, "That where she was, there was I also." And when she
   looked, she saw me standing by her in the same rule. Whence was
   this, but that Thine ears were towards her heart? O Thou Good
   omnipotent, who so carest for every one of us, as if Thou caredst
   for him only; and so for all, as if they were but one!
     Whence was this also, that when she had told me this vision, and I
   would fain bend it to mean, "That she rather should not despair of
   being one day what I was"; she presently, without any hesitation,
   replies: "No; for it was not told me that, 'where he, there thou
   also'; but 'where thou, there he also'?" I confess to Thee, O Lord,
   that to the best of my remembrance (and I have oft spoken of this),
   that Thy answer, through my waking mother, -that she was not perplexed
   by the plausibility of my false interpretation, and so quickly saw
   what was to be seen, and which I certainly had not perceived before
   she spake, -even then moved me more than the dream itself, by which
   a joy to the holy woman, to be fulfilled so long after, was, for the
   consolation of her present anguish, so long before foresignified.
   For almost nine years passed, in which I wallowed in the mire of
   that deep pit, and the darkness of falsehood, often assaying to
   rise, but dashed down the more grievously. All which time that chaste,
   godly, and sober widow (such as Thou lovest), now more cheered with
   hope, yet no whit relaxing in her weeping and mourning, ceased not
   at all hours of her devotions to bewail my case unto Thee. And her
   prayers entered into Thy presence; and yet Thou sufferedst me to be
   yet involved and reinvolved in that darkness.
     Thou gavest her meantime another answer, which I call to mind; for
   much I pass by, hasting to those things which more press me to confess
   unto Thee, and much I do not remember. Thou gavest her then another
   answer, by a Priest of Thine, a certain Bishop brought up in Thy
   Church, and well studied in Thy books. Whom when this woman had
   entreated to vouchsafe to converse with me, refute my errors,
   unteach me ill things, and teach me good things (for this he was
   wont to do, when he found persons fitted to receive it), he refused,
   wisely, as I afterwards perceived. For he answered, that I was yet
   unteachable, being puffed up with the novelty of that heresy, and
   had already perplexed divers unskilful persons with captious
   questions, as she had told him: "but let him alone a while" (saith
   he), "only pray God for him, he will of himself by reading find what
   that error is, and how great its impiety." At the same time he told
   her, how himself, when a little one, had by his seduced mother been
   consigned over to the Manichees, and had not only read, but frequently
   copied out almost all, their books, and had (without any argument or
   proof from any one) seen how much that sect was to be avoided; and had
   avoided it. Which when he had said, and she would not be satisfied,
   but urged him more, with entreaties and many tears, that he would
   see me and discourse with me; he, a little displeased at her
   importunity, saith, "Go thy ways and God bless thee, for it is not
   possible that the son of these tears should perish." Which answer
   she took (as she often mentioned in her conversations with me) as if
   it had sounded from heaven.